The way he hug me tight

At this moment, I felt so touch as he never hug me that way before... The feelings are so incredible. I really never had this feel before... My heart just melted after he hug me this way... What had happened before the night has just duly forget it.

He hold a birthday celebration for me on Friday night which I'm not aware of it and I'm also not prepared as the fact of my granny has passed away I'm still can't accept it. The celebration turns out bad as he bought me my favourite cake which I didn't eat it and all gone to waste. I even give him a face too as on the night before we are out for drinks, we had a bad fight... He asked me to think carefully on our relationship and I have made a decision on the night too.. That's why I'm avoiding him. I even went back to my house that night.

I know I had made that night worst but I'm just not prepared to celebrate with anyone at all... As every year my granny is there to celebrate with me. This year I just want to have a very simple celebration just me and him, will it come true???

Granny left us...

Our Beloved Granny has left us on Thursday, 13 May 2010.

Granny situation getting worst

Today went down to see granny at Assisi Hospice after a week she discharged from SGH.

Looking at her, she like aged a lot compare a week before. She became more and more tired, sleepy and quiet. She also lost her appetiate too...  Seeing her getting weaker my heart breaks... 

Today I'm the first to reach there and everything was fine even I talked to her. After my first uncle and aunt are here, she became 'blur' and been talking nonsense too... The surrounding was touch at that moment as I never see my granny holding my aunt's hand so tight. After that my godma, god-dad, mum and cousins came too. At first we having some fun and joke to cheer her up and even my niece dance and sing song (Nobody) to her... She laughed at that moment. Just after a short while, cried and said her leg is in pain. So we used the medicated oil to rubber on her but the pain got worst that she cried and asked us over to her bed... Holding each of our hand tight and said a lot of things... Tears just flow down from our eyes... 

Screen like so touching... I cried a lot over there as my granny hold my hands very tight and I gave her a big hug and kiss her. (I think this is my first kiss to my granny after I grown up.) After talking to her and we keep telling her she will be fine, etc... Hands still holding tight after she went to bed.

Come to think of it, I really didn't really spend a lit of time with her recently or should said after I started work. I really need to spend time with her as she's my loving granny...

Been feeling so tired

Recently I been feeling so tired.. Just don't know why. Maybe not working for the past 4 months and now back to work that's why my body not used to it. :-) or maybe I didn't sleep well due to my granny illness.

Her illness has got worst this time. Doctor has confirmed that her cancer cells has spread to her left kneel cap and right hip, now it's the 4th stage. Her illness has make us to make a discision to let her to go to hospice. For me, I wanted her to stay home but we really got no choice as no one is taking care of her. I even dreamt of her and she told me that she didn't want to stay there. Keep asking me to bring her home.

I really feel very sad and hopeless that I can't even help my granny. I just really hope that she can live longer even the doctor said she only left with about 2.5 years.

Day 1 at work

Last night I slept around 9pm as I'm too tired and I got to wake up early today to get ready for my first day at work. Kind of excited as this company is manufacture fishing rods, hooks and other accessories.

This company is very small in Singapore. The whole company got only 9 persons. After hearing from one of my new colleague that there's 3 persons leaving this month. 1 got transfer to Guangzhou and the other 2 resigns. So which means it will left with 6 persons working here. This company environment is very quiet even when you cough everyone also can hear it... :-) Its not like those big company noise everywhere... :-)

Before I left office for the day, my boss ask me whether do I know how yo tie a hook... I told him I will show him tomorrow. :-)

Tonight I must learn how to tie a hook before I sleep!!!

Leaving in 6hours later

Hmm... Hasn't Bern updating my blog for so long... As usual I still haven't get any job offer yet... :-( But nevermind as I'm leaving in 6hours later!!! :-)

Guess what? I'm going for boat and kelong fishing this time. I'm so excited till I can't sleep... :-) First time going overnight boat fishing. :-) But sad to know that there's a slight change of the boat as there's NO TOILET on the boat!!! All I can do now is I got to shit and urine in the open sea and use a cloth to cover it! OMG!!! I can't believe I got to do this in an open sea... Haha...

Now what I wish is no strong wind and rain. (cross my finger)

Will update more photos on my facebook when I'm back... :-)

Can't sleep at this hour...

I'm so tired yet I can't sleep at this hour... Maybe it's the first time that he is not by my side on his bed today. Having kind of weird feeling now. Like feeling so lonely or ???.... Hai... I don't know how to describe this feeling now... Really very weird... :-)

Ok, I will go and count my little sheep to make me sleep...

Good Night...

Don leaving to Myanmar tomorrow

Tomorrow early morning, he will be leaving to Myanmar with his father and brother. This time they went for 3 days 2 nights. I guess this trip I will not be receiving his call or SMS as the reception there is very very bad... I started to miss him now... :-(

Out of job for 46days!

I have been out of job for 46days. I been sending emails out yet only a few replied and only a few manage to go for interview. Is the market really that bad huh??? Hai...

These 46 days I been doing nothing but sending emails, doing my diy jewellery and sleeping. I got a very mixed feeling everyday. Been thinking a lot of things (good and bad) about relationships, jobless, money, etc... Is this call depression? Can someone tell me pls???

I think relationship is always a problem to me now. I wanted to let him go but my heart doesn't want it. This kind of feelings are very terrible, at times I just feel like to cry out but there's no more tears. Maybe I really cried too much in this relationship. Friends also asked me is this what I want? At times I don't know how to ans them coz I also don't know what I want too. I really very lost and tired. This is really a very lousy and 'lost' relationship I ever had...

Back from 2 trips

I'm back from my trips... I got that kind of feeling not to come back to Singapore at all as I just feel so relax and stress-free... =) Pretty enjoy my trips in Bangkok and Kelong (fishing). Do nothing but shopping, eating and massage... =)

New year new start now I'm kind of sick staying at home and I'm still looking for a job. I'm so desperate looking for one now. =) Is the market recovering or I still have to wait till after Chinese New Year then it will be better. =(

Job please come!!!...